My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
