How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
