just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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