my mouth tastes like poor choices
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
