and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Bring me that man meat
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
