Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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