the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
