Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
