paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
