Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my being single is dangerous.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
