apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize