JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
