Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
