I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
