I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
