White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
