Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there's paper in my vomit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize