10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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