I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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