in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
