did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
