non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
