great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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