My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
