One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
