somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
