then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
