worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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