yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
