when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
