And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize