i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
