he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
