Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
