I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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