Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
