I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize