Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
