Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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