shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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