genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
