you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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