I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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