oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
