It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
