Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
