I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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