i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
