Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
