I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
