First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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