do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
