i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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