I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
