well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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