yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
