I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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