My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
