yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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