I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
