im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
