So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
