Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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