she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
