Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize