Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish there were birth control emojis
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
