oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
