i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
