you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
