I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
