New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize