there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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