I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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