I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
