Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
