So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
