I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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