Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
