Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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