I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
