Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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