I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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