her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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