A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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