does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
