I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
