Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have post one night stand depression
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