I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
