my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Come see our sink grown plant.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
