Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
