Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Let's paint friendship bongs
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
