dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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