She is in my trunk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
