Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
