So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
