I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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